Well hello there Gorgeous, long time no talk. I know I have been extremely distant lately and for that I apologize but girl its been a crazy past couple of months. Are you ready for me to spill all the beans about my crazy life? Well get ready, make sure you have a snack ready and a coffee (or a glass of wine) because you are going to need it.
It’s been a really long 2 1/2 months, full of ups and downs, turn arounds, whirl winds, and so much more than I ever expected. Let’s start with the biggest bump in the road. Justin and I are no longer engaged, in fact we weren’t together for almost 3 months. We just recently rekindled our relationship, which we are both very happy and excited about, but it took me a while to get to that point.
It was Justin’s decision to end our relationship for personal reasons. When he first ended our relationship I was blown away and honestly just shocked. I mean the man I planned on marrying no longer wanted to be with me and it just turned my world upside down completely. It was just before this happened that I finally admitted I needed help for my anxiety and depression so this just came at one of the worse times for me. I knew that he did not do this to hurt me, because that’s not the man Justin is. I was always going to love him and I would never have anything bad to say about him, but in the moment I was just so mad and sad that I couldn’t even think straight. I had no motivation. I wanted to give up.
Thank goodness for moms, nanas, and girlfriends because without all of them I wouldn’t have made it out okay. I have learned a lot about who I want to be in a relationship and who I never want to be again. I learned that just because I was treated wrong in a previous relationship doesn’t mean the person I’m with now deserves me to take it out on them. It wasn’t their fault I was wronged. I learned to love myself in ways I never thought were possible. Justin always complimented me and told me how pretty I was, but I could never see that in myself, (this was one of his biggest pet peeves) but I can finally see that. I love my body. I love who I am again. That was a big moment for me while we were apart, and I knew this would make a big difference if we were to ever get back together again.
We eventually did… but there’s so much before we get to that part!
When J and I first broke up we continued to talk and I would go over and visit our pups, but eventually it became too hard for me. I would always get my hopes up when I saw him, thinking “maybe this time he will tell me to stay” but that didn’t happen. Eventually I became more and more distant, and it wasn’t because I didn’t want to see him because trust me I wanted to. It just started to become more than I could handle. I would break down in tears almost every time I saw him because I did love him. He will always hold my heart, and deep down I truly knew he still loved me. I also knew that if we were ever going to have a friendship I needed to distance myself from him so my feelings wouldn’t all come rushing back at once.
That obviously does not work.
In the meanwhile I went out with my girls quite a bit. People joke about how every weekend I was somewhere different, but I kind of was! Two of my best girlfriends and I took a day trip to Chicago and that was a blast! We got our favorite pizza, some yummy donuts, the best smelling bath bombs from Lush, and of course took our basic tourist pictures at the Bean. We seriously had so much fun that day it was ridiculous! We also went to the bar a couple of times and just had some drinks and danced the night away! Which if you know me, you probably know how much I love to dance! So those nights were a blast! Nicole and I also stayed overnight at a casino where we had the best drinks ever (they are called a love boat), danced our butts off again, and had the most amazing cheese fries ever! My mom also took me a couple of times with one of her friends from work. Oh my gosh they are too funny, plus they always buy my drinks which is even better!
I’m not exaggerating when I say these were the best cheese fries!
Nicole had a really close friend of hers getting married and that invited her to the bachelorette party and let me tag along. We drove 9 -10 hours from Elkhart, IN to Kansas City, Kansas! We had sooo much fun out there! Went to the Cheesecake Factory (they never disappoint) and then went out that night to the Power and lights district which is a ton of bars combined into one which is located in Kansas City, MO (only an 8 minute drive from one another). We just had so much fun getting to know one another, having drinks, getting ready together, and just dancing up a storm!
That weekend was crazy but fun!
I also managed to go to a Notre Dame football game *insert heart eyes* after tailgating the weekend before at their opener against Michigan. Notre Dame just so happens to be UNDefeated so far this year *insert more heart eyes*. The game was a blast, we won! We also had some amazing tailgate food, which never disappoints at ND!
I just love my football!
Then things starting taking a turn.
Justin started reaching out to me more trying to get me to come see our son (boxer) Ceazar. I really wanted to but it was just so hard for me to see him, and realize that he is no longer mine. The first time I stayed strong and was like, “ya know I really just need some time to get over you before I see you again”. In the meanwhile his grandfather’s health was declining, and faster than we all thought it would. He would update me here and there about anything going on with grandpa, which was also hard on me because I truly loved his family as if they were my own.
October 1, 2018
The day things started coming back together again. At 5:55pm Justin texted me telling me he didn’t think grandpa had much time left. At 7:48 pm I left my house to go see them. It would end up being one of the last times I had a conversation with his grandpa Glen as he passed away that following Sunday October 7th, 2018 at 2:19pm surrounded by his family.
This night everything changed though.
It was like Justin and I were back in sync with one another. It was almost as if nothing had ever happened. We decided we would start working on things together as we both knew we deeply loved each other.
Sunday October 14th, 2018.
The day Justin and I officially got back together.
I am happy to say that we are working on things together and growing stronger with one another everyday. We are taking on the responsibility of a home with two boxer babies and while we are nervous we also couldn’t be more excited for this next step.
So yeah loves, that’s where I’ve been. How I am doing. What’s been going on in my life. Why I haven’t had like any time to post. Last but not least but that’s also why I’m back.
I hope you have some of your snack left after this long blog post, but just saying I did warn you!
Love you guys and all of your support always,